I recently wrote in a Facebook status update that I was tempted to say “I need a vacation” but didn’t want to feel like I need a vacation from my life. I really just want to feel refreshed and be able to walk in that refreshment on a daily basis. And maybe it would help to figure out some kind of daily routine that is refreshing and relaxing. I know it is ok to go on vacation and enjoy going on vacation, but I desperately want to be able to have that sustained joy in my life, to be able to find that place of peace and rest even in the midst of chaos or hectic days, whatever it is that makes our days crazy sometimes.
Maybe it just comes with a lot of responsibility, more kids, or maybe just feeling like you have a bunch of people depending on you and a ton things to keep up with...I dunno. That feeling of being pulled in a million directions and like ahhh I just want to collapse and land in a cushiony pillow with billowing clouds and the smell of sweet fresh air. I know that sounds a lot like a vacation but in my context, I want it to be more of a mental and spiritual state.
It is easy to say that your dependency is completely on the Lord and that He alone sustains your soul, your peace, your joy... But when you've got a whole lot of seemingly stressful days lined up, it is really hard to not want everyone else around you to get you, know when you’re burnt out (a.k.a. ready to FREAK/have a mental breakdown) and give you what you think you need to satisfy your weary heart.
I guess I am just at that place where I’m realizing more and more the reality of not counting on anyone for my joy or happiness or peace. And I'm not saying the Lord hasn't blessed me with a beautiful family that brings me joy and happiness because they do, every single day. And I really am not trying to complain about life at all because I am so so so blessed and grateful. I've got an amazing home, a beautiful family in good health, food to put on the table, and more...believe me, I do not take that for granted. And maybe more than half of this is a "first-world-problem" but in the thick of it all, sometimes it is just hard to grab hold of that tangible joy and peace. I can slave away to please and serve my family, but ultimately it is about serving God first. If I am a servant to God, that service will spill over into service of others out of sheer love that comes from Him. He alone is the one who I should aim to please because if I am pleasing to Him, then that is all that matters. If I am pleasing to Him, then in many a sense, I can be sure that what I am doing could be pretty pleasing to others around me. If I am enough to Him, then I am enough.
A vacation is a nice temporary relief from busy lives. It is easy to go on a vacation and relish in that relaxation and freedom for however long it lasts. But the thing I like least about vacations is that feeling you get on the last day, knowing you’re about to head back to all the craziness and that it is all just going to be the same old, same old, again and again. Until your next vacation. And I love a good vacation and relaxation destination as much as the next girl, I really do. There is almost nothing that beats lying around in the glorious sunshine and not doing anything except taking in God’s beautiful creation, maybe with a good book in hand, especially when you’re particularly stressed. But at this moment, what I really want is to have a mental and spiritual place of refreshment, and not one from envisioning palm trees, water crashing on a sunny beach and sipping fruity beverages, as relaxing as that all sounds.
And earlier when I said that being pleasing to God “is all that matters,” I didn’t mean that we should not want to be pleasing to our spouses/children/others. I just know that no matter how hard we strive, if we are constantly trying to please other people, and measure our “worthiness” from how well we please them and how they react to us, we will just be let down. It is way too hard to live up to expectations, most of which we imagine or get wrong half the time. Yet there is an incredible place of peace and trust in our relationship with the Lord when we really truly believe and act on His word so perfectly written in Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message):
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.”
And as nice, wonderful and encouraging as that scripture is, I know there is a practical side to this. It is really important to openly and clearly communicate between spouses/loved ones to be on the same page and to help understand and meet whatever needs are present. I’ve also recently started a gratitude journal to write down every single little thing I am thankful for on an almost daily basis. It really helps me to put my days into perspective,to see all the special little simple joys of life and to note all the blessings God has filled my life with. Annnnd I have yet to do this, but having a weekly bubble bath or scheduling a monthly manicure/pedicure or massage sound really nice and are simple ways to pamper yourself and get some relaxation time. I am super grateful for all these amazing ways to be refreshed and relaxed. On a deeper level, just as we make time for all these marvelous luxuries we have, we need to make time for our God and develop our intimacy with Him.
I am sort of just in the midst of this place now. It is really a battle and isn’t easy, especially on a mental and emotional level. Well it is easier when I leave my mental and emotional sides out of it haha! But I know God sees and knows it all and He understand my heart. I so want to get there. I want everyday to be a "vacation" with God in the life that He has blessed me with.
Thoughts? Advice? Wise words? I'd love to hear what you have to share! :)
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