Everyday Holy

I have been feeling so grieved in my heart lately, missing true fellowship and community in the Church.

Hopefully me saying that doesn't make anyone feel bad. I so appreciate and value all the friendships we have, they are each special and a blessing in their own ways.

We had this season in our lives when we were part of a ministry, the birthing of a ministry at that. We spent so much time with an amazing couple and their children, they became family and will always be dear friends close to our hearts. The experiences we shared, the amount of time spent together --- talking, sharing meals, just doing life together as well as having amazing times of worship and prayer in each other's living rooms. It was all this incredibly natural flow of lives synched, hearts intertwined, all for the Glory of One King.

That season of our lives came to an end, although still like family in our hearts and forever friends, we have moved on to different things, and they have even moved across the country...land and sea have become barriers that physically separate us.

It is funny how I look back and reflect and even as I wrote, "we were part of a ministry, birthing a ministry...," I was referring to the actual ministry organization. But now that I have some retrospection going on, I realize the actual ministry was in our relationship, the daily communion, the living room prayers and worship, the midweek phone calls, the late night couch venting, the laughter over meals, the friendships made, the constant encouragement and support...you get the idea.

Two years, well almost two years, is what has passed since my family and I have experienced that type of living Church. And part of that time has really been needed. We needed a season of rest from a lot of busy, doing, going. Now I am so overwhelmed with the need of being part of the functioning Body of Christ again. I have even found myself weeping at night, literally grieving from missing that interaction, that communion.

I recently was having a conversation about being less than satisfied, let's say, with typical group meetings during the week. The formats, layouts, provided videos and questions...it all sort of irritated me. Obviously there is a time and place for that type of stuff, I get it. So in this conversation I was basically asking, "Is it too idealistic of me to think meeting with other people can just be free and develop into whatever it develops into, lead into it's own natural, organic, thing?" For example, when we met with our old friends, we did have an agenda: to seek God, worship Him, pray for our region, and listen to His voice and of course talk, spend time together, enjoy one another. Many times we would just gather and talk about our week or day and we would find something in common, some shared thread that we felt God was weaving and that would turn into deeper conversation, bible pages flipping, prayer starting, and erupting worship. There were also plenty of imperfections and hard moments to push through, but that's life. We're human. It always led to grace, learning and growth. That doesn't sound idealistic to me, that sounds like everyday holy. It sounds like Church. Like what should be.

Ok, so I am not all hung up on what once was over here. I am just reflecting and learning STILL from those experiences I had. I am excited to have them again and in even greater ways. For whoever those experiences will be shared with, and for whomever will be touched by them, I look forward to it all.

And for what it's worth, I think it is time to break out of the cage of old mindsets of how to do church and truly find freedom to be the Church. So we can live everyday holy together.

Be Still & Know Him.

The more time passes as I walk out this journey of life, the more I appreciate the simple yet beautiful truth, "Be still and know." There is just so much peace in that.

There are times when I go back to read old writings in my journal and I actually stress myself out. Why am I always trying to analyze my life and figure out everything? All the stress from confusion and striving and striving. I feel the heavy weight of the burdens just thinking about it. I'm at the point where I really just don't want to care about any of it anymore and just lay it all down. I don't even want to think or try to do anything. Just want the quiet embracing of being still and knowing.

It can be a frustrating place to be. When we just want to be free but this world loves to put chains around us, sometimes the people in our lives do that too. And sometimes we bind ourselves up by our own thoughts and false self-accusations and the whole, "I'm not good enough" or "not doing enough" thing.

You know what some of the best moments are? When I SHUSH my brain and am fully present in a moment and soaking it in for every granule of glory that it is worth. When I capture a scene, an object or person and it becomes a frame in my mind and heart, a snapshot of a beautiful moment and gift, giving joy to cherish. Even better when we can share these moments with people we love.

And the doing, well I just don't care about what I'm doing if the being isn't ok. Who/how I am being, in all moments, is more concerning to me than with what I am doing or trying to accomplish. The doing will happen naturally, as a bearing of fruit, when we are truly being, and always being in Him. See, when we are able to just be, it is because of what, and more importantly, Who we know.

And right now, that is kinda my cry out to God. I am really seeking Him...to really know Him and His heart, and to know who am I in Him? I could make a typical list of things that most Christians would define themselves as but I guess I am going for something deeper, something woven uniquely into me, that unravels in the heart of my Father. There is just something in me that is hungry and desperate to be awakened into a deeper understanding of my identity in Christ. And it isn't going to happen by me doing anything other than SURRENDERING. Surrendering completely to the being still and to the knowing of Him.

21 days...

I recently decided to take a 21-day break from major forms of social media including facebook, instagram, twitter and pinterest. It has been something that I have been rolling around in my brain for a little bit. After seeing a couple of other people mention doing the same thing, it was a swift kick in the rear end to get on board. And of course hearing my 5-yr old daughter say, "Mommy, you always have your phone with you!" a few nights ago made it pretty clear that this is something I should be doing.

During these 21 days I am hoping to write more and get more into sharing via my blog and possibly do a little revamp of it's name???!! We shall see...

I don't want to put too much pressure or stress on myself to accomplish daily writing, just going to play it by ear because well, the whole point of this is to be disconnected from distractions and outside noise and pressures and what is going on in feeds and posts and notifications and everyone else's life. I want to be more connected and in tune with God and what is going on in my own life, in my relationships with my family, and just be present in the moments before me. It has already been difficult in those moments when I am used to grabbing my phone and scrolling through pictures and status updates and comments. I've had many thoughts like, "Aww wow that would be a cute picture to post on instagram..." or "Gonna have to post that on FB later..." --- obviously there is way too much revolving around social media going on in my brain! I want to just enjoy these daily moments and experiences and soak them in. It doesn't make them less valuable, less cherished or less important because they aren't viewed on whoever's facebook, twitter or instagram feed I happen to be in.

I'm also hoping to get more in tune with the Holy Spirit in my life. At the moment this life of mine is very consumed with stay-at-home mommy duties but I also want to get in touch with what makes me passionate, what I have to share with and offer this magnificent world and the people in it. I definitely am in a growing and stretching season. It has been challenging and often times I hear myself thinking "Ahhh I just feel so stuck or caged up and I just want to be free!!!" Sounds crazy I know, but I am praying for some breakthrough and freedom in areas of my life that, honestly, I don't even understand myself yet. I have been consumed by being in touch with everyone and it has been wonderful! I love seeing other people's posts and pics and what is going on in everyone's life and their view of the world. It is a gift to be connected to each other in such a way and to be able to "meet" & "share" with many who I never would have come across otherwise. I learn so much from everyone and gain new perspectives.

But, now it is time to just shut it all off and tune in to God and be in touch with this life He gave me. Hoping to have lots of things to write about once these 21 days are over! Excited for what is to come...